The Closing of a Chapter
I don’t exactly know how to put into words the vastness of the psycho-spiritual experience this last week has so gently ushered me through...however, I will try...
A very prominent chapter of my emotional experience has gently, yet firmly closed & the resulting expansion that has opened in its soft wake has rippled across my psyche making a profound and important impact.
But the seed for this threshold experience was planted weeks ago, and to my surprise, it wasn’t planted by me…but by a brief comment - just a few words, really - spoken by a friend on social media.
She was speaking of her own experience with illness and how it can be a portal of time that propels us into new creativity and growth.
I have never thought of periods of illness in this way before and I remember thinking about my default behavior when I get sick:
There’s a lot of emotional regression into my Moon that happens.
I want to be cared for, to have all responsibility handled. I want to be acknowledged in my discomfort and I want to be soothed.
I feel like all of these responses are indeed valid, however there has always been a restricted, closed off, shadowy quality to how I would embody them.
I made a mental note of this idea and then it promptly vanished, retreating somewhere into the recesses of my mind, only to reappear a few weeks down the road.
As we entered into the Gemini Balsamic Moon, my partner and my children all came down with covid. Our first experience with it since the pandemic hit 2 years ago.
Even though I did everything within my power to prevent contracting covid myself, I knew that with caretaking the three of them, it was simply a matter of time and that my attitude going into this experience was going to be important.
I developed symptoms two days later, on the Dark Moon.
The following day, under the Gemini New Moon, my womb opened and I began my monthly bleed, which is always a highly psychic period of time for me.
Looking at my personal astrology, this New Moon activated my Gemini Sun, Mars and North Node as well as my Sagittarius Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune and South Node.
But what made this Moon significant was that it was ruled by a retrograde Mercury which happened to be conjunct my natal Mercury and Chiron placements.
To be ushered into a physical portal of illness and to have the spiritual portal of my womb actively open during the precise days when this New Moon would be at its peak, speaks to the divine timing of this experience.
I had been given a beautiful opportunity and I recognized it, even though I didn’t know what it would bring in the coming days.
Instead of regressing into an emotional puddle, I consciously surrendered into the experience.
The difference was profound.
My dreams felt visceral & alive. I actively dreamt of past life memories for days. Each dream healed some new piece of subconscious memory that was somehow still operating somewhere deep within me.
I had visions of the Divine Feminine and of Mary Magdalene.
Sweet and gentle reminders of her teachings.
Downloads and integrations of new Christ Consciousness codes.
I could feel the pulsing energy of the crystaline grid that runs throughout the Earth beneath our feet. Connecting to it energetically fueled my body in ways that I truly have no words for.
Powerful mental connections kept popping into my mind as I engaged in conversation with those closest to me.
With each layer of new understanding that was unearthed, an old story fell away from my mind.
The expansion I have felt since has been extraordinary.
But the reminder must be said: expansion like this is only birthed from deep contraction.
And I have felt it viscerally.
The last two years have been fucking hard.
But this chapter of fear, restriction, pain, uncertainty, grief and so much loss that the pandemic pulled me into, has softly, yet firmly closed.
A new chapter is blossoming, it is welcomed with a wide open heart and it feels so incredibly good.